I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
