Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
