What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
