connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
