i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
