I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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