I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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