then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
