I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
