My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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