Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
