if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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