bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
