Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
