We're like a lot better than the average bears
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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