hotel room ftw
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
