You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
