I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
