I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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