i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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