marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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