my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
