im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
