i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was CRYING into my vagina
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
