the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
