Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
