once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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