Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
