I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
