You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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