Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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