...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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