I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
