i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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