The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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