after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
