I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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