i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
