I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
