My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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