So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
