After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
