as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
