he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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