I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
