left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
