Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
