You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
