But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
