let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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