i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
