Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
