saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
