You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So much rum. So many feels.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
