fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
