she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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