Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
