pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
