To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
