WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
