I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
